We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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