I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
