Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
