ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
This baby is an asshole
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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