the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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