So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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