you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
