I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
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