also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
