I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
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I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
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