WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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