i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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