??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
