No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
