I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
