Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
not ubering you a puppy
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
