Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
