Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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