if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
