Define "chronic" masturbator.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
