I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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