I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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