At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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