Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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