anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
