Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
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