if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
