I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
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