I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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