Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
