i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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