I think i peed on brittanys purse
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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