I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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