i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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