so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
pop tarts are not kleenex
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how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize