I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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