How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
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