Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
