I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
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I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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