we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize