wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Randomize
