I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize