what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
