No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
