That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Randomize
