I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
