Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
