woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
