I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Randomize
