I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
