Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
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just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
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Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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