I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Just high enough for therapy.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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