just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
