i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
