Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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