i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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