mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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