I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
She just used a chaser for red wine.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
