Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Randomize