Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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