Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.