How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.