She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
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You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
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It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha